3 intense days in a board room over.  But it feels like our life has just changed gear.
We first talked to Lesley, who volunteered in an orphanage in Peru a few years ago and now wants to adopt a child from there although she has no partner of her own.  Later we met fellow Queen's Park dog walkers Lorraine and Graham, who do business in China but no longer fit criteria so are now looking at Russia.  We were the youngest but didn't feel out of place.
The issues of attachment and object permanence were striking.  How do you "claim" a child who does not look like you, who does not look TO you?  And yet you have to claim in order to build bonds, that can then allow you enjoy spontaneous affection.  And how does a child who has never had anything to ever call their own learn that you as a parent will always be there for them?
Talking about loss emphasized how adoption isn't so different from parenting one's own birth child – just that you have to be aware of a few different issues, a few different angles.  Funnily enough, Pauline, David and I ended up talking much more metaphysically, about loss of identity, roles, folklore whereas others were talking about loss of sleep, freedom etc.
The Dutch video where Suzanne (Indian) accuses her mother of basically destroying her life was heart rending.  Not just because it seemed so dreadful and so hurtful, but because at the end she says that she is glad that she has her Mum for a mother and gives her a big hug – and in that one gesture it all seemed worthwhile.
The grown up adoptees from America were an ungrateful lot.  No time for altruistic motives, desperate to reclaim their racial identity  – but then I'm someone who has never had a racial identity so I wouldn't understand.  And it's different not having one when you understand that you're mixed, compared with someone who is entitled to one but doesn't experience it.