Love is the most codified of all emotions, the most subject to the rules of society & culture yet we continue to believe it the most spontaneous & genuine!  In medieval society it was bound up in valour & chivalry (producing the Tristan and Isolde paradox, that the best knight deserves the queen but must be loyal to the king). In Christian society, suffering lifts us higher spiritually, as Christ himself suffered on the cross. In capitalism, the many taboos on love (across gender, race, class) are gone, yet we continue to self regulate (Foucault), to rationalize and make utilitarian choices – see how dating websites match interests etc. We become ambivalent as we have too much choice. The expression “falling” in love embodies unpredictability, yet this is not how we prefer to operate.
The male is pathologized for non-commitment but this is fundamentally a reflection of how our society values consumerism, entrepreneurship.
From Radio 4, Thinking Allowed